


Walking a Shallow Line

by Into_Evernight



Category: AFI
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 06:27:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3109472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Into_Evernight/pseuds/Into_Evernight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[For The Magnificent Mustache Challenge] Rarely does Davey overreact. But when it comes to how he thinks Jade views him, he might take things a little too far.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking a Shallow Line

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on AFIslash on 10/28/2010
> 
> I'd like to thank my lovely beta Hellion for taking the time to look over this, on such short notice. I'd also like to thank my sister for helping me come up with the idea and for beta-listening.
> 
> Disclaimer: These are mere characters based on the members of AFI (not the real members, duh). I do not own; I do not make money. No disrespect, harm, or libel is intended; this never ever happened (and never will) as this is 100 percent fictitious.

It had all started with a seemingly harmless trip to the mall. Davey wanted to pick up some new jeans, and he had, of course, brought Jade along with him. This wasn't Jade's kind of thing at all; he lagged behind Davey as he flitted about the store, going through racks and sorting through shelves of denim, mumbling underneath his breath. From behind him, he heard Jade sigh heavily, and without checking over his shoulder he knew that he was standing there with his hands jammed in his pockets, expression of utmost boredom most likely shadowing his face. He obviously didn’t want to be here right now, but Davey wanted a second opinion on his choices and Jade was his best pick for the job. After all, Jade would be the one to see his ass most frequently in whatever pants he chose.

He had just found a pair in his size that held promise, and he twisted his body around to look at Jade. He hadn’t even gotten the chance to open his mouth when he noticed that something, or rather, someone had caught Jade’s eye. Following Jade’s gaze, he found himself looking at a girl who would, under normal circumstances, fly under his radar as far as possible threats were concerned because she was quite average. But for some reason, Jade had looked—no, _stared_ —at her and, well…She flashed him a pretty little smile, her eyes warm and inviting, but Jade wasn’t looking at that. Oh, no, his eyes directed downwards, at her ass. And then, to top it all off with a sweet little cherry, his lips were pulled into a pleased smirk.

A million different possibilities flew through Davey’s mind in that instant, and although he tried not to let it get to him, it did because this girl wasn’t anything special to look at, and she wasn’t even Jade’s type at all. He hadn’t meant to ask, but the words found their way out of his mouth in a wounded, insulted tone. “What are you doing?”

Turning to meet Davey’s gaze, Jade sighed and seemed to instantly forget about the girl. “What?”

“Why were you—” Davey stopped himself in mid-sentence, thinking better of it. Now really wasn’t the time for a confrontation, and he didn’t want to start a fight in the middle of the store over something so seemingly petty. Swallowing his irritation, he waved his hand slightly and dismissed the matter. “Never mind.”

From the corner of his eye, he watched as Jade shrugged it off, probably attributing the odd behavior to one of Davey's weird moods. Feeling resentful, he retreated into the jungle of racks and shelves far, far away from that girl, or any girls for that matter. Jade followed him without another word but it didn’t help ease his mind any. Today was going to be a long day.

–

“He did what?” Jeffree clutched his mug of tea, staring at Davey from where he sat on the couch. His mouth slackened, eyes wide in surprise. Gradually, his lips curled in disgust, and he shook his head, long pink hair moving from side to side. “You're kidding me.”

Davey nodded solemnly, tucking his legs beneath him and clutching his own mug, brow creasing. “I know. It's horrible, isn't it?”

“Terrible!” Jeffree agreed vehemently, setting his mug down with a clack on the glass coffee table before leaning all the way back in his chair. “Why the hell was Jade staring at some random bitch's ass?” He brought his hand to his mouth, chewing on one long, pink nail.

“I don't know,” Davey sighed in frustration, hand fluttering up to shield his eyes. Dropping his hand, he stared down at his lap and frowned. “He probably thought she was cute.” Pausing, he traced the rim of his cup with a slender forefinger. When he spoke again, his tone was low, annoyed. “He didn't seem like he wanted to be around me either.”

“What did I tell you?” Jeffree shook his head again, then propped his head against his hand, crossing his legs. “If you want a reliable boyfriend, you have to date gay guys.”

Davey glanced up, a bit miffed and a bit concerned. “I don't think that has to be the case...”

“You don't know what he's thinking. He could be unhappy.”

“But he said I was an exception,” Davey insisted, shifting uncomfortably. “He said that it didn't matter because he loved me.”

“Oh, please,” Jeffree sighed, swinging his leg. “If only I had a dime for every time I've heard that one. Are you sure he doesn't like you because you're feminine?”

“Um, well...” Davey hesitated, raising his eyebrows and drumming his fingers on the side of his cup. “I...I don't _think_ so.”

“We need to find out,” Jeffree said pointedly, taking a sip of his drink, staring at Davey from over the rim.

“So...what, you want me to just ask him?” Davey snorted and leaned further into the cushions, moving to hang one leg over the edge of his seat. He propped his cheek against his knuckles, eyes darkening and mouth setting downwards. It seemed simple enough in theory but he knew better.

Jeffree wrinkled his nose slightly. “No, you know he'll just deny it. We have to make sure he likes you for you. You can't determine that through something he says.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Davey rubbed his forehead with his free hand, frustration welling up again.

There was a long pause, in which both sat still, silently contemplating. Davey stared down at his tea, stirring it slowly and frowning. Jeffree emulated his expression, knuckles pressed against his temple as he thought. Finally, a look of enlightenment crossed his face and he sat upright.

“I have an idea.”

Looking up, Davey tried to feign interest although, in all reality, apprehension oozed from every pore. “Oh?”

“If you really want to make sure Jade cares about you as a person, you should make sure that he _doesn't_ care what you look like.” Jeffree explained, bringing his cup up again to mask his smile.

“So...I should change what I look like?” Davey bit down on the inside of his cheek, skeptical eyes directed out the window. “What, exactly, do you think I should do then?”

“Try to look more like a man. See how he reacts to that.” Jeffree advised, “You know, cut your hair, stop wearing make-up, dress differently...”

“Don't you think that's a little drastic?” Davey narrowed his eyes a little, uneasy again. He wasn't so sure if this was a good idea.

Shaking his head, Jeffree assured him, “I don't think so. You should at least try it. You can always change.”

“That's true. But I'm still not sure how I should do it.” Davey watched as Jeffree set his mug on the table, then settled back into the pillows, idly swinging his foot and letting his shoe dangle.

Jeffree hummed thoughtfully. “Well, you could always take tips from Adam or Hunter. They pull it off _really_ well.” He smiled widely for a brief second, staring off in space, then looked serious again. “If you want, we can go to the mall sometime to work on a new look.”

“Sounds like an idea. I’d be willing to give it a shot.” Davey nodded, relieved grin washing over his face. “Thanks for the advice.”

“No problem.” Jeffree glanced at the clock, then straightened up, adjusting his tunic top. Plucking his purse from one of the nearby arm chairs and balancing it on his shoulder, he continued, “Well, let me know how it works out. I have to go get ready for a date, but if you need me you can text me.”

Nodding, Davey stood as well to show him to the door. Neither said a word until Jeffree was on the door step, then he turned to peer down into Davey's anxious eyes. “Trust me. It'll be okay.” He patted Davey's shoulder, letting his hand linger momentarily for reassurance. “See you later.”

A short, weak laugh fell from Davey's lips before he could return the goodbye. Jeffree offered him a warm smile and squeezed his shoulder before releasing him and turning around. “Yeah, see you. Have fun on your date.”

Jeffree merely waved it off and strode towards the curb, where he'd parked his car. Davey stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips, wishing that he didn't have to go yet. Jade would be home soon and he’d have liked a distraction and an excuse not to talk to him. For now, though, he'd try to push it to the back of his mind and forget.

–

The next few days passed rather uneventfully, with neither Jade nor Davey mentioning the incident. Jade didn't think about it, obviously, and Davey couldn't _not_ think about it. It shouldn't have been a big deal, it wasn't a big deal, but he couldn't shake it from his mind no matter how hard he tried. It kept him awake at night, staring into the pitch black blanket of uneasy silence as Jade lay next to him, rolled on his side and curled into himself, peacefully sleeping and blissfully unaware that there was a problem. And there Davey lay, eyes painfully wide open, searching the deep expanse of darkness as though trying to find an answer. He could hardly sleep for several nights in a row and nothing was going to change that. Because no matter how hard he tried to forget them, Jeffree's words kept echoing through his head, and he kept kicking himself and wondering if he shouldn't have dated Jade. After all, Jeffree had said that if he wanted a reliable boyfriend, he should date a gay man. He'd been saying that for awhile now, and Davey had to admit that, thinking back on it, he hadn't had a relationship with a non-gay man work out. Then again, he hadn't had a relationship with a _gay_ man work out either. He wasn't still with them, was he? But on the other hand, it had felt more stable. He hadn't felt the same sort of tension, the same sort of unease knowing that something had to be missing from Jade's life. It was a terrible idea—always had been, always would be—to date a non-gay man, and a best friend.

Davey let it stew those few days. Angry as he was, though, he wanted to resolve the problem, especially since Jade would soon be leaving for an extended trip. Presumably, a few family members needed his help to move across country. Despite this claim, Jade’s reason for the trip now made him uneasy; he was unsure if he should let him go just like that. He'd been grappling with the possibility Jade would cheat on him, but he'd denied it...until now. Deep inside, he knew he should’ve talked to him about it, asked him or opened up sometime over the past couple of days, but every time Jade asked if there was something wrong, he clammed up. It upset him that badly, and he found he wasn't ready to hear what the answer might be. No, not the answer that Jade spoke, but the answer that might lie within his gaze, or his nervous idiosyncrasies, or his tone. He wasn't always a good actor, so there was a good chance he'd slip up and give himself away.

And maybe he'd give himself away without even saying or doing anything out of the ordinary. Davey had watched him over these past several days with a sharp, scrutinizing eye, looking for anything that might be even a little off, and he was still watching him now, even as he prepared his bags by the door. Propping his chin in his hand, he frowned, clutching the handle of his coffee mug tighter. Jade had his back to him, stooped over his luggage as he tried to zip it up. He stopped, probably feeling Davey's gaze boring into him, and peered over his shoulder.

“Something wrong?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. Davey thought he sensed some note of underlying nervousness in his otherwise steady tone, but he couldn't be certain.

“Nah, don't worry about it.” Sighing, he shifted on the bar stool and turned back to the newspaper, idly turning the page. He didn't look up, and his hair obscured a clear view, but he heard Jade shuffling, then coming closer to him.

Laying his hands gently on Davey's shoulders, Jade leaned over him, craning his head in order to see his face. In response, Davey merely glanced up at him, then let his hand drop from his cheek to the table, turning away. Jade squeezed his shoulders tighter before moving his arms over them, hugging him slightly and resting his chin on the top of his head. “You're mad at me.”

_What was your first clue?_ That's what Davey _wanted_ to ask. But what he really said was of a much more docile nature. “Yeah.”

“Why? What'd I do? You've been mad at me for days and haven't told me why.” Jade's brow furrowed in confusion and concern. “I didn't do anything.”

Davey had to stop and think for a moment...and grit his teeth. True, Jade hadn't really _done_ anything to warrant his anger. But he couldn't help it. This tension had been building up for a long time and now that he'd finally let himself think it, finally let himself notice it, he was recalling every little incident that he'd let slide under the radar for one reason or another. One time it had been the fact that Jade wouldn't look him in the eye when he'd said he loved him. Another worry stemmed from the fact that Jade usually wouldn't leave the lights on when they had sex. And then there had been that incident recently, where Jade had shook a model's hand and held on too long. It could all be in his head, yes, but it could also be an indication of a much more serious problem. He let his head drop in his hands, shaking it slightly and all but ignoring the question.

“I don't want to talk about it right now, sorry.” Davey knew he should talk about it; he was very much so aware that he was being unfair, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. He didn't want an argument right now. At the very least, he'd like a second and third opinion before he went asking Jade about it. After all, it could be nothing, and he shouldn't pick a fight over small issues.

“Oh...okay.” Jade paused, and Davey sensed that he felt at a loss, that he didn't know what to do.

Peering up from behind his hands, he noted the puzzled, worried expression on Jade's face, and he couldn't help it. His heart melted. “Don't worry about it right now.” He sighed, letting his hands fall to his lap. He left them there for a moment before standing and walking over to where the luggage had been lined up. “Want some help loading the car?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Jade hesitated as Davey lifted two of the heaviest suitcases, clenching his jaw and unwittingly sending a pointed look. Looking all the more confused, Jade followed suit and picked up the remaining two smaller bags, tagging behind as he walked out to the car. Neither said a word as they loaded the trunk. Davey tried to think of something to say then, once the task had been completed and they were left facing each other, Jade with his hands in his pockets and Davey with his arms crossed over his chest. Cautiously, Jade reached out. And Davey couldn't help but oblige. Feeling sorry already, he slipped into the welcoming embrace and held him...just held him. Because, truth be told, he wasn't sure if this would last, or if it would still be this way when Jade returned. He wanted to suck up every last bit of supposed affection, even if it meant nothing in the end. He wanted to have it for that moment and know it was his.

Burying his nose in the junction between Jade's neck and collarbone, he sighed heavily and brought him closer. It was at that moment, in his worried and vulnerable state, that he blurted insecurities he'd meant to keep to himself. It wasn't the words, though, as much as it was the desperate tone behind them. “I don't want you to leave.”

“It'll only be for two weeks. It's not like I'm moving away.” Jade tightened his grip, crushing Davey against his chest. “And I'll call you.”

“I know,” Davey mumbled, lips moving against Jade's heated skin. He closed his eyes, breathing in his scent. As pissed as he was, he still couldn't stand the thought of losing him.

Gradually, Jade pulled back, letting only one hand linger on Davey's waist, while the other fell on his cheek, fondling it. Davey seized the opportunity and placed one hand behind Jade's head, fingers entwining in his hair and twisting it as he pressed him forward. Their lips met in a gentle kiss.

The shared warmth only lasted a brief moment. Jade pulled away first and, initially, Davey was disappointed. He looked away as Jade let both hands clamp on his shoulders, staring straight at him as he whispered words that Davey wanted to believe, but wasn't sure were true. “I love you.”

However, despite his skepticism, he couldn't hold back and echoed the statement with more feeling than he'd intended. “I love you too.” He stared into Jade's eyes, unable to help himself, mouth twitching downward.

Moving closer again and pressing a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, Jade murmured, “Don't look so down.” He waited, but Davey didn't respond—only stared at his feet—so he tried something else. “Hey. When I get back, I'll treat you to dinner, okay?” Still, Davey said nothing, so Jade stroked his cheek and added, “We can talk about whatever's bothering you whenever you're ready.”

Nodding and brushing his hair out of his face, Davey sighed, replying, “Yeah, that sounds nice.” He managed a half-hearted smile, pressing one last kiss to Jade's mouth before stepping back. “Text me when you get there.”

“Okay,” Jade promised, opening the car door. “I'll see you in two weeks.”

Davey only nodded again, waving slightly after Jade had gotten into the car and closed the door. The ache tightened his throat all the way into his chest as he watched him back out of the driveway. There was no turning back now. Part of him wanted to stop him, convince him not to go, but he didn't. It was hard, but he forced himself to stay put, and didn't move from his spot until the car was completely out of sight. Then, heaving a tiny sigh of disappointment, he tucked his hair behind his ear and headed back into the house.

A quick glance at the clock revealed that he didn't have time to be miserable. He'd promised Jeffree and Hunter that he'd meet them at the mall in an hour, and if he wanted to make it on time he'd have to get ready now. Usually he would've been looking forward to the outing but today he almost felt too down. Regardless, it had to be done. And maybe they could help him with more than just his look.

–

Davey hadn't really been planning on spilling his guts to Jeffree and Hunter, but he was only able to contain himself until halfway through their outing. Then, right after they'd picked out the last article of clothing for his new wardrobe, the mental dam burst and he told them everything, including the things he hadn't wanted to admit, and the things that he wasn't sure were really an issue. He found himself talking even about things that made him—and Hunter—uncomfortable. But he'd kept it in for so long it wouldn't be held back any longer. Much to his relief, they didn't seem to mind that he vented and, to his surprise, they seemed nearly as put off about Jade's behavior as he was. Or, at least, Jeffree was.

“I'm telling you,” he said, shaking his head in disgust, “Something's not right. You should talk to him about it.”

“Yeah, for once, I think I'm going to have to agree with Jeffree,” Hunter added with a half-shrug. “It could be nothing. But it might be a problem. It's best if you find out now.”

“True.” Davey halted in front of the mall directory, eyes scanning over the list of stores as he mentally checked them off. “I hope it's not what I think.”

Jeffree rolled his eyes. “Sorry, but it's not nothing if you feel bad about it.” He paused to look over Davey's shoulder at the directory, and took the opportunity to change the subject. “I think we're finished here. Why don't we go get your hair done?”

Davey flicked his glance up at Jeffree, who offered a reassuring smile. “Um, okay. That sounds good.”

“What kind of cut are you going for?” Jeffree asked, tossing his head and flipping his hair over his shoulder.

Hesitating, Davey tried to think of something suitable. To be honest, he hadn't really thought of it until now even though he'd known he was going to try something different. “I'm not sure.”

“Hmm...” Jeffree tapped a finger on his chin, giving Davey a thorough look-over. A little smile twitched on his lips and he reached out, taking a handful of Davey's fringe and letting the strands sift through his fingers. “You know, you could always go bold and go bald. Like Hunter. He has the right idea.”

Unable to help himself, Davey laughed and stole an amused glance at Hunter. “Yeah? I don't think I could pull it off.”

“Well, Hunter looks really handsome with it,” Jeffree tested, nibbling on his lower lip and shooting Hunter suggestive eyes. “Mmm.”

“Well.” Hunter shifted, smiling weakly, though obviously flattered. “I do what I can, you know.”

“Yeah, and the mustache...” Jeffree trailed off, eyes twinkling as he licked his lips. He turned back to Davey. “You know, you should really take a cue from him. You should at least get a short cut and grow a mustache.”

Davey grinned widely, crinkles forming at his eyes, his tone incredulous. “Really?”

Jeffree wrapped an arm around Davey's shoulders. “Really. I mean it.”

“Yeah,” Hunter chimed in, smiling wolfishly. “You should do it. Come on, think about it. I heard the ladies really dig a man with a 'stache.” Pausing briefly, he thought better of it and added, “And, who knows? Maybe the gentlemen dig it too.”

“I'm not sure.” Davey shook his head, still grinning. He couldn't really imagine having—or wanting—a mustache. But the more he thought about it, the more he toyed with the idea and the more he found he was curious. “I'll think about it.”

“Well, think fast, sweetie, because Jade's coming home in two weeks.” Giving him a sharp pat, Jeffree released him and walked quickly towards the exit. “Now let's go. There's a place you can get your hair done just down the street. You'd better figure out what you want on the way there.”

“You could always just, you know, go bald so we can match.” Hunter teased, falling into step beside Davey. “Wouldn't that throw Jade off?”

“No, thanks.” Davey shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “It works for you, but I like having some hair.”

“You could always get a mohawk again,” Hunter laughed. “It'd be just like old times, eh?”

Once again, Davey shook his head. “Nope, not going to work. I'm too old.” He cocked his head a bit to one side, offering a warm smile, dark eyes dancing.

Hunter scoffed playfully at his comment, but didn't offer any more help. He was quiet for a few minutes, which gave Davey some time to think about his options. If he wanted to do something really drastic and different, he should get rid of the length. It had been awhile since he'd had short hair though. Maybe he didn't exactly have to get rid of what little length he had left. Maybe he just needed to have it trimmed up and reshaped. After all, he wanted something that he'd be happy with, as well as something that spoke more to his masculine side. He wracked his brain for ideas, thinking of every style he liked, every celebrity or musician he found attractive or admirable until it finally dawned on him—Morrissey. Yes, that was it. He wanted hair akin to a style of Morrissey's, with a little twist of his own.

That being decided, he found he wasn't nearly so worried about whether he'd like it or not. Even when he was seated in the chair, and there was no going back, he was set in his decision. Just a little length off; it wouldn't be that bad.

As confident as he'd been, he couldn't help but squirm inwardly when the scissors were taken to his beautiful hair, and he watched in slight horror as the strands fell to the floor below. He hadn't known that it would really be _that_ much. Seeing it strewn around the chair was final. He could only cross his fingers and hope that this person knew what she was doing and wouldn't ruin his hair. It got to the point where he couldn't bear to watch anymore as the scissors kept coming and snipping more off, and he didn't like to look in the mirror to see where she was cutting or look to the floor to see how much had been cut. Squeezing his eyes shut, he told himself it would be over soon and that it wouldn't really be that bad.

Needless to say, it was one of the longest haircuts of his life.

The first thing that Jeffree said when Davey had been turned around and released from his confining tarp wasn't about how nice it looked, or how well the girl had done. What he said was much more alarming. “Oh my God, is that really Davey?”

Momentarily, Davey panicked. That couldn't be good. “Uh, something wrong?”

Jeffree didn't answer him though, and it took him a full minute to finally pry his eyes away to look at the mirror. He had to admit, for a split-second he had trouble recognizing himself. Already, he looked so...different. Strangely, though, it wasn't bad. Actually, he really liked it. Running a hand through his newly cropped hair, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, relished the sensation of cool air teasing his cheek and the side of his neck, then moved his head from side to side and absolutely _loved_ how free he felt, how his hair didn't follow his movement or tickle him.

Hunter finally broke the silence, eyebrows raised. “Wow...It looks nice.”

“How does it feel?” Jeffree asked, reaching out to touch it.

“It feels great,” Davey replied, smiling.

“It's so soft.” Jeffree paused, running his fingers through it. “You look so flamboyant, so bold, so...fierce. I love it.”

“Okay, you've jizzed over his hair enough,” Hunter teased. “But seriously. We need to take care of some other things.”

Jeffree stepped back, frowning slightly. “I'm going to ignore that first part.” He turned toward Davey. “So, are you ready to finish the transformation?”

“I'm more than ready,” Davey replied, smiling.

Jeffree tugged him toward the front. “Good. Let's pay for this and go.”

–

Davey had known that the process would take a lot of work, especially when it came to cleaning out his and Jade's room, but he hadn't known that it would be quite this intensive. Even though he was ready to get rid of it, some nagging feeling deep inside him didn't like it as his belongings were disrupted and even thrown away. It felt strange to be going through his drawers and pulling out the items he'd been wearing for years now; all the lace and the old vinyl clothing and accessories were stored away in the cardboard boxes Hunter had brought from downstairs. While Davey and Hunter sorted, Jeffree busied himself by taping up boxes and pushing them aside in a corner, to be taken to the attic later.

Then came the task of going through the forbidden drawer—as Davey liked to call it. Momentarily, his hand hovered over the knob as he debated whether or not to make his friends leave the room. A look over his shoulder revealed that they were still there and would not be budging anytime soon. He had no choice but to open it. With an audible swallow, he pushed down his shame and opened it, digging through its contents as quickly as he could, past the numerous dildos and butt plugs and cock rings and handcuffs until he reached the embarrassing part—the lingerie.

As soon as he pulled it out of that drawer—no matter how hasty or stealthy he tried to be about it—his secret was unveiled. Face burning, he stuffed the lacy, sheer underwear in the empty box first, thinking it was the most embarrassing. But then came the several corsets he owned, and the mini-skirts and the garters and the vinyl fetish-wear...It was almost like taking the walk of shame. Even worse than having someone other than Jade know about this was Jeffree's reaction; of course he'd say something.

“Not to be rude,” Jeffree pointed out, shifting from where he leaned against the wall, “but I didn't know you were into that.” He paused, giving Davey a chance to speak up but since he didn't, he continued. “Does Jade like it?”

“Oh.” Davey stalled for time as he stuffed a pair of vinyl gloves into the box, suddenly wishing his hair were long enough to obscure his expression. “Well...”

Arching a perfectly painted eyebrow, Jeffree said, “I just wanted to know because this doesn't seem like you. You're usually pretty open about sex.”

Heaving a sigh, Davey finally held up his hands in mock-surrender and admitted it. “Okay, you got me. It was Jade's idea. I like to be feminine sometimes but I don't like going this far.”

“Why?” Hunter asked, frowning a little. “It's something that wouldn't usually bother you.”

“Yeah, well, I just don't like the way I feel. I don't know. I feel almost like...” Davey trailed off, scowling as frustration bubbled within him. It wasn't dressing in women's clothing that bothered him. There was a feeling that he couldn't describe, something that shook him from the pit of his stomach.

“What, like...Does it feel like Jade fantasizes about you being a woman?” Jeffree asked, crossing his arms over his chest and idly kicking at a box.

“Maybe a little...” Davey mumbled, not wanting to admit it. He stared at the bra he held, then clutched it tighter and stuffed it into the box. As he pulled the remaining articles of lingerie from the drawer and packed them up, he heard Jeffree's muted footsteps on the carpet, and then saw him out of the corner of his eye crouching beside him.

Jeffree let his hand fall on Davey's shoulder comfortingly, and for a split-second pity shadowed his features. Then, he composed himself and set his jaw, voice strong and determined. “We're going to change that. Don't worry about that anymore, okay?” Davey nodded slowly in response, so he went on. “You don't let anyone else treat you like that so don't let him treat you like that either. Show him that he has to love you even if you aren't what he expected. Embrace your manliness.”

Shaking his head, Davey laughed weakly. “Embrace my manliness, huh? That's a new one.”

“It's true! You should. I think it'd make you feel better.” Jeffree nodded sagely.

“Again, I agree with Jeffree,” Hunter piped up, looking unimpressed. “Seriously, don't try so hard. Just be yourself.”

“I can't believe we're having this talk,” Davey said, shaking his head again. “This is crazy. I've always tried to be myself.”

“But you're not being yourself if you aren't comfortable with it.” Jeffree patted him on the shoulder again before standing. “Relax. Now let's get rid of some of this make-up.” He gestured towards the dresser, where Davey's collection was neatly lined up.

“Yeah, okay.” Davey got to his feet and stared over the countless sticks of eyeliner, tubes of mascara and lip stick and lip gloss, trays of eye shadow and glitter, jars of foundation. His eyes darted to the other end, where he'd placed his nail polish and false eyelashes, then he brought his gaze back to meet Jeffree's expectant one.

Jeffree held out the trash can, tapping his foot a little. “Do you want it? Or not? It's up to you.”

“Uh...” Davey looked over his collection again, biting his lower lip as he tried to make a decision. On one hand, he would like to still use it sometimes, but on the other, it was a pain and he wasn't sure he felt good about it anymore. For years, it had been a part of him, had been something that he really enjoyed doing and something that boosted his confidence, made him feel more attractive. But now as he looked into the mirror, he found that he didn't want it, didn't need it. Something that had once been so deeply integrated into his very being was now a burden. He wasn't insecure; he liked the way he looked without it and he resented that he felt obligated to keep wearing it just because people expected it of him. In those final few seconds, he made a choice—one that was based on impulse, but none the less significant. Taking his thumb, he rebelled, striking out the mark that had cried rebellion and difference and beauty in the first place, wiping it from his eye and freeing himself of the restraint. Already, he felt better when he looked at his reflection and saw one bare eye looking back at him. So he repeated the gesture for the other eye. Glad he'd only chosen to put eyeliner on, he wiped his thumb on his jeans, not caring if it left a stain. He could be imperfect. He wasn't a god. He was a man.

And for once, it didn't matter that he was nothing more than that.

After that, he didn't give it a second thought. A single swipe of his arm sent the various items of make-up hurtling to the trash can and their doom. He watched each of them clatter in: the mascara, the eyeliner, the lip stick, the glitter. It felt so good to look in the trash and see them lying there, idle and unused. Feeling triumphant, he turned back to the dresser and looked over his nail polish. No, he still wanted to use that. Letting his hand pass over the bottles, his attention came to the false eyelashes. Did he really need those anymore? He most certainly did not. He was beautiful and perfectly acceptable without them. Besides, they were a huge pain to deal with and he didn't feel like it anymore. So they followed the fate of the make-up, and soon took their place beside it in the waste basket.

Hunter soon joined in on the fun, plucking various make-up items that were scattered across the room. The shiny pink lip gloss that Brittany had gotten him for his birthday? In the trash. The stick-on jewels Nils had bought him while on his trip in Europe? Thrown away. It was like shedding an old skin, and even if Davey would miss it later, for the time being he didn't and he didn't care.

By the end of the afternoon the house had been mostly purged and the bedroom rearranged. All the unwanted items were either thrown away or packed into boxes and stored in the attic. Hunter was given the duty of hauling the boxes, while Jeffree and Davey set the room back in order. The new clothes were hung up in the closet, and Davey couldn't help but marvel at how much more room he had now that he'd gotten rid of all the clutter. Cleaning and changing things up had really lifted his spirits; he hadn't remembered just how liberating and refreshing it was. He'd have to do it more often, he decided.

The final jacket was hung and Davey shut the closet, turning to Jeffree with a wry smile. Extending his arms, he pulled him into a tight hug, pressing his cheek against his shoulder. “Thank you, truly and deeply. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.”

“You're welcome.” Jeffree returned the embrace just as tightly for a moment, then pulled away. “I'm sure you'll do fine on your own. Just remember everything I said.”

“I'll be thinking about it,” Davey assured him. “I'll let you know what happens.”

“Well, everything's put away,” Hunter called, voice echoing in the hallway before he entered the room. “I think that does it.”

A relieved grin washed over Davey's face and he strode across the room to hug Hunter as well. “Thanks. You don't know how much this meant to me. I owe you both.”

Hunter gave him a one-armed hug, patting him on the back. “You know, you can always give back by paying homage to my mustache.”

“Again with the mustache?” Davey said, trying to conceal his smile—but his eyes gave him away.

“You should really try it,” Jeffree encouraged.

In the moment of silence that followed, Davey frowned and contemplated it. Finally pulling away from Hunter, his mouth turned more sharply downwards in thought and he nodded. “You know, I just might.”

–

The following two weeks were spent rather leisurely; Davey lounged around the house most of the time, taking advantage of the solitude in order to write and get some other things done. Jeffree and Hunter regularly checked in on him to see his progress—in other words, his mustache. At first Davey had been skeptical of the idea, and at first he had been tempted to shave the stubble, but as the days wore on, he found himself growing fonder and fonder of it. By the time that Jade was scheduled to arrive home, he’d grown out a decent mustache—and had already gotten into the bad habit of petting it too. He liked it and he didn’t care what Jade thought—though it would be amusing to see his reaction.

Currently, he sat on the couch, thumbing through a magazine as he waited for Jade. Part of him felt smug, and yet part of him also felt the nagging apprehension and resentment again. This could turn out badly. Who knew how Jade would react. Frowning to himself, he clutched the magazine tighter. Ridiculous. If Jade got upset over this, it was ridiculous. Why should he even worry at all? He’d known Jade for years. Ah, that was the problem. He’d known Jade for years. And he was well aware of his shortcomings.

The sound of a key scraping in the lock at the front door diverted his attention from the magazine. He started to toss it aside, then thought better of it and held it up a little closer to his chest. He didn’t want to seem overly eager, after all. Swallowing hard, he stared with burning intensity at the pages, though his brain didn’t comprehend the muddled, blurred text. Instead, he kept an alert ear out for the sound of Jade’s footsteps coming into the living room. Indeed, the front door swung open, the keys clattered to the table, forgotten, and the muted footsteps came towards where he sat. He straightened up, stiffly, as he felt Jade’s presence lingering in the doorway.

Even though it wasn’t really that long, the pause that followed felt heavy and interminable as Jade stared, most likely dumbfounded and confused. “Dave?” he finally called tentatively, as though he were uncertain whether or not he was addressing the correct person.

Although nervous, Davey forced a warm smile and greeting, effectively masking his true feelings. “Hey! How’d the trip go?”

“Um, it was all right.” Jade slowly made his way across the room until he was standing on the other side of the coffee table, brow furrowed and expression so puzzled he almost seemed troubled. “What’s…I mean…You really…”

Davey’s smile wavered, fading, but he forced his lips to remain stretched out. He was sure he looked like a trapped animal. “What?”

Carefully, Jade seated himself on the edge of the cushion next to Davey and looked him up and down. “Wow…You really changed while I was gone.”

“Got a problem?” Davey asked, testing a playful tone.

Jade opened his mouth, then, receiving a sharp look, thought better about whatever he was going to say. He licked his lips, eyes darting around. “Um, of course not. I’m just…surprised.” His eyes dropped to the sofa and he seemed truly, deeply mortified. He was disgusted. Even if he was trying to hide it, Davey could tell he was.

A loud sigh. “If you don’t like it why don’t you just say something already?” Davey semi-snapped before he could reel himself in.

“No, no!” Jade insisted, head jerking up to look at Davey with wide, shocked eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. You look fine.”

Davey frowned, beginning in an annoyed tone, “Jade…”

He had a comment waiting on the tip of his tongue, but thankfully didn’t get to use it because Jade quickly closed the space between them in a bruising kiss. He pressed Davey into the cushions, trapping him between his body and the pillows, massaging his mouth with his own. Although Davey knew it was because Jade had known he had something snarky to say and just wanted to shut him up as well as make up for his reaction, he couldn’t help but melt under the touch and return the kiss with similar passion. The affection was something he'd ached for, and he would take it without a care for the reasoning behind it—although that did little to change the fact that he was still pissed.

Wrapping his arms around Jade’s waist loosely, he let his hands come to rest on his back. He ran his fingers up and down Jade’s spine as he pressed closer, arching his body into him, deepening the kiss. It had been far too long since they’d kissed like this. Davey wanted to attribute it to the fact that they’d been together for several years, but he was now certain that wasn’t the case. The insecurity welled inside him even as Jade straddled him, gently rubbing the nape of his neck and bestowing tender, loving touches. Then Jade shimmied up against him, pressing their bodies together, and as quickly as the uncertainty had come, it left, replaced by a need much stronger than that of assurance.

A moan ripped from his throat, only to be muffled by Jade’s mouth. Out of habit, he sank his teeth into Jade's lower lip, shivers running down his spine from the resulting grunt of dissatisfaction. He tugged despite the half-hearted protests, sinking his teeth deeper as he slipped his hand past the hem of Jade's shirt, nails scraping against the sensitive gooseflesh and no doubt leaving an abundance of red marks. Jade winced. Unable to help himself, he smirked. That would teach him for being shallow.

With his free hand, he grasped Jade’s hair, yanking his head back to look him in the eye, gripping it tighter and tauter until, squirming, he released an embarrassing whimper, from the pull as well as the angry glare he received. He looked so pitiful and distraught that Davey couldn't bear to keep this act up; he felt too guilty. No wonder Jade would rather be with a woman. Releasing him, Davey let his forehead drop to Jade’s chest, fists gathering his T-shirt in creased handfuls. There came a mumbled apology, barely recognizable, and suddenly Jade was still, stiff as a board again. He would hardly even touch Davey, he was so disgusted.

Momentarily crushed did not mean giving up. Determined to make him feel something, to react, Davey bit at the soft, warm skin of his neck, right above the collar of his shirt. At the same moment, he let his hand fall on Jade’s crotch, groping his growing erection. A sharp gasp punctuated the end of his cry, and he all but swallowed and choked on Davey’s name. Satisfied, Davey pulled away from the his neck to kiss him again, and he couldn’t help but notice the visible cringe, and the way his mouth stretched out and tugged more to one side, revealing a row of crooked, clenched teeth. Slightly insulted and injured, but none the more deterred, Davey pressed the unwanted kiss to his lips. Jade sputtered and flinched; Davey could feel his body shudder unpleasantly. Well, this wouldn’t do at all.

Desperately in denial, Davey pulled back and wiped their gathered saliva from his mouth on his sleeve. He panted, staring at Jade, though he refused to return his gaze. Instead, his eyes remained fixated on the couch cushions, chest heaving and breaths audible. Wordlessly, Davey seized him by the front of the shirt and forced him off the couch. Jade balked but Davey didn’t care. He grasped Jade's wrist and dragged him out of the room, up the stairs, to their bedroom. There, he pushed his victim down to the bed and straddled him, hurriedly fumbling with the buttons on his own dress shirt. He couldn’t get it off fast enough. Next, he worked on his belt buckle. All the while, Jade stared up with wide eyes, as fascinated as he was horrified. Even if he wasn’t making any sort of indication that he wanted this, he wasn’t pulling away either and the evidence was clear—he was hard.

The next several moments leading up to the truly spontaneous sex went by in a clouded blur. Clothes were ripped from writhing bodies and thrown to the floor—though in the heat of the moment it could not be discerned if Davey was doing all the stripping for Jade or if he was going along with it. Once naked, there was the rushed rifling through the drawer for the lube, the self-preparation, followed by the forced participated preparation. Disgruntled, yet still in need, Jade went along with the procedure when Davey impaled himself on his fingers, and scissored him as gently as possible. Or maybe he was barely prodding because he wasn’t feeling it. Davey couldn’t be sure, but he couldn’t care. Already he was feeling upset again—upset at Jade’s dislike of his appearance, upset at Jade’s complacency for this act, upset at Jade’s lack of care or concern for anything. It was in this moment that it all came to a boiling point, overflowing and flooding Davey’s mental space. He didn’t think anymore—didn’t think and didn’t breathe and didn’t care—choosing rather to react on his carnal instincts and lowered himself far too quickly on Jade's cock. Despite the preparation it still felt horribly uncomfortable, but _he_ was horribly uncomfortable and the physical discomfort only made him feel better inside. So without a care for what he was doing to himself, he ignored the pain and pressed onward, bringing himself up and lowering himself down in harsh, rapid procession.

Jade gripped at Davey’s waist, then at his hips, nails digging in and leaving crescent moon indentions everywhere he seized. He kept losing his grasp, fingers dragging across the skin, but he tried to keep his hands, and Davey, steady. Shakily, he managed to exert enough strength to slow Davey to a reasonable pace—much to his discontent. Then, he let his hands drift to the inside of Davey’s thighs to caress them. Tilting his head back against the pillow, he squeezed his eyes shut, mouth agape in a silent gasp.

Now that Davey was moving at a slower pace, it didn’t hurt nearly so much. He still felt sore but despite that, it started to feel nice. Swallowing, he splayed his hands out over Jade’s quivering stomach, fingertips brushing against the lettering of his tattoo, and allowed himself to take it easy, to enjoy the sensations washing over him. Soon, he emulated Jade’s expression, his own brow furrowed and mouth open, back arched. Despite his efforts to stifle the noises, he still moaned quietly each time Jade’s cock hit the right spot. He felt fingers run over the heated skin of his thighs, moving up and down until one hand finally came to wrap itself around his cock. His breath hitched in his throat. Encouraged by his soft whispers and grunts, Jade began to pump him in time with his thrusts. Gritting his teeth, Davey struggled to regulate his breaths, struggled to keep from calling out Jade's name. He failed at both.

He felt better now. In fact, he couldn’t think long enough to even remember why he’d been upset in the first place. All he could focus on was Jade’s cock in his ass, and Jade’s hand on his dick, and how good it all felt. With each thrust and grunt and smack of skin against skin, with each gentle caress and tender glance and mouthed words of affection, the negative emotions were drained and replaced by adoration and sensation and love. He felt so strongly for Jade, and that was almost all that mattered.

He moved faster then, riding on the swells and crests of sensation and emotion, letting it all ebb and mount in rhythm, to an unremarkable apex. If he had to guess what getting high felt like, he figured that _this_ would be it. It had been a long, long two weeks, and after his dry spell, this was simply incredible. He felt so overwhelmed that he could hardly make out which cries were his own and which were Jade’s, which undulating body part was his own, and which was Jade’s. Everything melted together in a confusing, tantalizing vertigo. Even when he heard the loud, strangled scream of his name, followed by the twitching of the figure below him in response to delirious orgasm, he couldn’t be sure whether it was his own end or Jade's. It didn’t matter, for as soon as Jade's cock hit that spot one last time, and those elongated fingers gave a final stroke to the head of his own cock, that was it. He lost it and spilled himself, wasted himself, fully all over Jade's heaving chest and stomach. Spent and exhausted, Davey collapsed on top of him, flinching when the sticky substance spread over his own abdomen.

They lay still for several weighted moments, clutching each other, muscles beginning to relax from their prior tensed state. Davey let his cheek rest against the pillow, concentrating on the sensation of Jade’s heart pounding next to his own, gradually slowing with his breaths. He trailed sloppy, languid kisses down Jade’s temple to his jaw, suckling the skin there with additional affection. Still, he flinched, shying away. Davey peeked up to see Jade's nose crinkling adorably—or it would have been adorable if his distaste hadn’t been apparently directed at him. Annoyance flaring inside him again and displacing the comfortable, fuzzy feeling, he sat upright and, glaring, tore himself from Jade’s body.

Jade sat up as well, hair messed up and sticking everywhere, and forehead creased in confusion, in worry. His hand lighted on Davey’s hunched shoulder, offering comfort and reassurance but it was unwanted. Jerking away, Davey shot him a wounded look.

“What’s wrong? What’d I do now?” Jade held his arms out, at a loss.

“You’re disgusted with me. It’s obvious.” Davey grumbled, turning his back entirely.

“Disgusted with you? What the fuck?” Jade’s voice verged on the edge of a whine, which only made Davey bristle all the more. When he spoke again, though, he sounded more frustrated. “Why do you think that?”

“You keep flinching whenever I touch you. You don’t seem to want me.” Davey replied, chin held high with an air of indignation.

“What?” Now Jade seemed truly confused. “If I didn’t want you, why would I fuck you? What do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know.” Davey crossed his arms. “But it bothers me. You’re not satisfied with me.” When Jade offered no response, he glanced over his shoulder to find he was staring at him, mouth slightly open. “Come on; don’t tell me you don’t get it. You don’t want me to kiss you. That says more than enough.”

For a moment, Jade hesitated, eyes directed to the far corner of the room. A look of realization crossed his face. “Oh… _Oh_. That.” Looking very solemnly into Davey’s eyes, he confessed, “I don’t like your mustache. It tickles when you kiss me.”

“You…You don’t like my mustache…”

“No.” Jade smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“But,” Davey clarified, expression dark, “you aren’t repelled by my new look?”

“No, not at all,” Jade answered, surprised. “I really like it. I just didn’t know how to react at first because it was unexpected.” Smiling fondly, he reached out and pawed Davey closer to him, running a hand through the cropped hair and ruffling it. “I like your hair. It’s about time you cut it.”

Now Davey was truly baffled. Jade’s smile was genuine, and his eyes were dancing in true adoration. Maybe, much to his embarrassment, he’d been wrong about him all along. So, he swallowed his pride and asked in a soft voice, “So you don’t like me for my looks?”

“What the fuck?” Jade leaned back against his scrawny elbows, staring at Davey in disbelief, eyebrow quirked. He couldn’t seem to help the amused smile. “Of course not. Looks change all the time. I like you because you’re Dave. Always have been, always will be.”

“Oh…” Davey paused, staring down at his hands. He didn’t want to ask the question that was really plaguing him but he knew that he had to. It was now or never. And he certainly didn’t want it weighing on him from now on until he died. Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, he muttered, “So…You don’t want a girlfriend?”

“Uh…no.” Jade no longer seemed amused. “Where did you get that idea?”

“You were, um…” Davey was more embarrassed than before. It didn’t seem logical now that he really stopped to think about it. He’d strung together a series of unrelated events and, in his mind, made them seem logical, made them seem related. And suddenly…it was all just so _funny_. It was stupid and silly and pathetic and ridiculous. He coughed, then let out a burst of short-lived laughter, a display that was truly so spontaneous that Jade gawked at him as though he were crazy. He shook his head, and though he still trembled from the inward laughter, finally choked it back enough to speak. “I’m sorry. It’s just I could’ve sworn I saw you staring at some random girl’s ass.”

Once again, Jade arched an eyebrow. “What? When?”

“This is going to sound so stupid.” Davey laughed weakly. “Remember when we last went shopping together?” He waited, and once Jade nodded his affirmation, he continued. “Well, there was this girl walking past us—she had curly hair, I think. And you were staring at her. She noticed and smiled flirtatiously at you. And you got this look on your face…”

Jade frowned thoughtfully, staring at the wall. Davey tapped his fingers on the mattress, swallowing each tremor of laughter that threatened to escape his control. Finally, Jade turned to face him again. “I think I might know what you’re talking about.”

“And?” Davey prodded nervously.

To his surprise, Jade laughed as well. “You’re not going to believe this. It’s crazy.” He shook his head, ignoring Davey’s half-mouthed, half-whispered demands for him to tell. Instead, he sank deeper into the pillows, hanging a lanky arm over the edge of the bed. “Okay, well…It’s just…” His warm eyes flicked up from where he lay. “She had toilet paper stuck to her jeans. That’s what I was staring at when she caught my eye. It was all I could do not to laugh.”

Davey could’ve smacked himself. He hunched over, squeezing his eyes shut. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m serious.” Jade chuckled again. His spell lasted several painful seconds before he had pity on Davey. “I’m sorry you thought I liked her. Is that why you’ve been mad at me?”

“Yes,” Davey mumbled. It pained him to admit it.

“Why didn’t you just say something?”

“Truthfully, I was scared of what I’d find out. I know that’s stupid. Next time I’ll say something.” Davey smiled weakly, finally opening his eyes to look at Jade again. “I’m sorry I accused you over nothing.”

Shrugging, Jade replied, “It’s fine. It’s actually kind of funny. I mean, you changed your entire look and grew a _mustache_ over this for God’s sake! What the hell? How does that even make sense?” Jade was nearly in stitches now he was so beside himself.

Davey could only laugh weakly though. He didn’t find it nearly as funny as Jade did. “Yeah, okay, I get it. It makes no sense. It’s fucking hilarious.”

“Whatever, Dave.” Jade wiped his eyes, settling into a more comfortable position. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever you want to do to make yourself feel better.” Davey didn’t reply for the several silent moments that elapsed, as Jade merely lay there with a silly grin on his face. Eventually, he shifted to pull the rumbled covers out from beneath him, and slipped under them. “Between the trip and you, I’m worn out. Night.”

“Okay. Good night, I guess.” Davey muttered, head still turned away so Jade couldn’t see his red face.

“I love you,” Jade said, only pausing long enough for effect, “but not your mustache.”

With that being said, he rolled over and turned out the light. Darkness cloaked the room and the only sounds were those of Jade shuffling beneath the blankets to get more comfortable. Once he’d fallen still and his breathing had begun to even out, Davey moved to climb into bed next to him. He said nothing until he’d snuggled close to Jade’s warm, naked figure, mouth lined up with his ear. First, he pressed a tiny kiss to the tip of it, then he spoke, voice low and playful, but none the less irritated and erotic.

“I love you, too—and my mustache. I don't care what you think.” He paused, watching Jade’s full lips turn up in a contented smile. Letting his fingers trace over them, he added in a whisper, “You do know I’m keeping it, right?”


End file.
